……. and that has a little to do with the fact that I spent the last few days minus a computer. Dear Husband seemed to think that my old laptop wanted a drink…. of red wine, and not tell me, no wonder it wasnt working. Upside is I am now posting from a brand spanking new Acer laptop. YAY. I guess the guilt took over.
Anyway, I have been inspired, after reading a friends blog, where a huge group of people swapped blogs for the day to write ‘anonymously’ about anything and everything that they wanted to, that I might get over the shyness and just get some things off my chest. After all, noone knows who I am, I hope…. (deep breath) here it goes…….
I love my husband dearly, and yes, we have silly little arguements, not as often as before being married surprisingly, but there is one main thing that keeps coming up, and I dont know how to stop the issue, this is really embarrassing and hard to write about, but lets face it, its something that there are only 2 people that I would feel comfortable talking about it to, and I only see those people once a month for dinner.
My Husband seems to have VERY little interest in ’special cuddles’ I would be lucky to ‘get lucky’ once a month. What makes it worse is that he comes across as all macho and like he is in front of his mates, with his big collection of adult magazines and DVD’s (that VERY RARELY come out of the sports bag that they are kept in). In April, hubby had one of his mates come and stay who cracked a joke about once you get married, the wife will stop special cuddles, and my husband went along with it, in the meantime I had to leave the room.
This is partly my fault, I should have realised that he wasn’t that into intimate moments before we got married, but not living together, and only sharing a room 2 nights a week at my parents house, and my parents were usually still awake when we went to bed, I thought he was just polite and wouldn’t do anything while my parents were there, and the 2 holidays that we had been on together, 1 was a cruise and there were 4 of us in the room, the other we were buggered every night from walking every day, I just thought he was exhausted.
I am not going to pretend that I am this stunning girl that would be the object of any mans affection, because I am far from it. I am overweight, and not by any means beautiful, but have been told that I have a pretty face. I would like to think that there is some truth to that, but if not, I can live with it. At the end of the day, my husband married me because he loves me, and he would have to find some aspects of me atractive at least.
I have tried the Lingerie, he even picked out the set that i have, toys, and I have given up with initiating, because I would lie in bed crying after being turned down night after night. I kept my promise that I made years before we got married that I would go the Brazillian route, and have been waxed every 4 weeks singe being married (was shaving before that) so I am doing everything that I can think of, short of ordering Viagra for him!
The next thing is after getting married, the next question that all my friends keep asking is ‘when are the babies coming along’ and it really upset me the other day when, after telling my 2 closest friends how I was feeling at dinner last month that one of them brought up the baby question, even so far as to pick out our babies bedroom furniture when walking around the shops after! and sending me a cute baby email the next day with the line ‘maybe this will entice you to have babies’. Had I not spent the last 2 dinners pouring out my heart that you gotta DO something to have babies! and that if I were to fall pregnant I would be estatic, unfortunatley hubby wouldn’t, so we are waiting till he is ready? WHY bring up the subject to upset me?
anyway, I dont know if any of this makes sense, Im really tired, but having one of those moments where I just have to vent. I ended up locking myself in the bathroom and sitting on the floor to type this up, because I felt too guilty typing while DH was sleeping beside me.
If you have any tips, or if anyone else is going through something similar, please post a comment.
Mrs P.
